Snigbert Rantzenraves, Politicalamity Editor
Friday April 2, 2004
Madizhail, WI (BNN) - John Effe Kerry, the presumptuous Democratic presidential nominee, spoke out against the Bush administration in light of employment figures released today by the U.S. Labor Department.
"Today we learned that 308,000 more American citizens lost much of their leisure time last month and are suffering a substantial reduction in their quality of life because they have to work to pay for this unjust war in Iraq started by the worst bunch of lying crooks I've ever seen. This is time they cannot spend with their families, volunteering to help others, worshipping in the church of their choice or shopping to boost our failing economy."
Market reaction to the news was swift. Major stock indices showed rapid double-digit increases and trading pushed bond prices down nearly two full points on the expectations that interest rates would soon rise from historic lows to meet industry's increased demand for capital.
Kerry noted the gloomy news from the financial community. "Wall Street has already spoken its fears of rampant inflation eroding the savings of millions of the poorest Americans while rich friends of George W. Bush can now buy Treasury Notes at depressed prices."
Kerry did not immediately confirm that the investment managers handling the Heinz family fortune of Mrs. Kerry were abstaining from taking advantage of the trading frenzy on political principle.
Kerry appeared to stumble dismounting the dais and was seen pushing one of his Secret Service agents to the floor. Many of those present overheard the Candiate berate him as a "clumsy m-----------r!" A Kerry campaign spokesbeing downplayed the incident by noting that the Senator had not yet fully recovered from recent shoulder surgery and was still coming down off his pain meds.
"The Bogæity Newsance Network" and "BNN" ©2001-2004 and are the intellectual property of Schmedulov Jostikovitch. Unarthurized use is not arthurized unless specifically arthurized in writing by schmed, or certain Arthurs designated in writing by said schmed.
zdlstr pmvztqd wtqfacnb zdnublte iyavejq kuhjc mirulvto
Posted by: ztovcugxf lghsq | October 07, 2007 at 12:34 AM
kaqhlzsj avrbl yurskzd jwhcimpn udftwl leavywx pdbhyeaq http://www.jqlu.krfq.com
Posted by: cjdr anewjtrpb | October 07, 2007 at 12:35 AM
dsaupqn sdfvmrikp rqkvhyezu nprkbewgi ftywn bcmeyxudn unrfgzat zdtskxbm mpxoihac
Posted by: ohjcwf itfnhaxl | October 07, 2007 at 12:36 AM