A Rather Fanciful Tale

schmEditor's Note: Today The Bogæity Newsance Network© departs from its normally staid reporting strictures to portray the sobering events of recent days in a way most American Victims of the Mainstream Media can understand. With that, BNN is proud to present the story of...

Little Dan Ra^therhood

Once upon a time in a huge industrialized land there lived an innocent, unbiased network anchor called Little Dan Ra^therhood because of the little woolen hood he liked to pull over the eyes of others.

One day Little Dan Ra^therhood decided to go through the wild political jungle to visit one of his many anonymous friends whom he called "Grandslamma." He took a little basket and packed a tape recorder, a video camera and a feminist producer to blame if things went awry and traipsed off through the jungle to Grandslamma's house.

Little Dan Ra^therhood was very excited because he knew Grandslamma had some very juicy tidbits to share and he wanted to bring every one of them back to spread to all the people of the Global Village who looked at things through his little woolen hood.

As Little Dan Ra^therhood approached the condo where Grandslamma lived, he didn't see a Wicked Blogger of the Pajamahadeen sneak into Grandslamma's condo, wrap him in his Homeland Security Duct Tape™ and trundle him into the closet. The Wicked Blogger put on Grandslamma's robe, slippers and Red Sox baseball cap and sat down between his PC and fax machine.

Little Dan Ra^therhood tapped at the door, and in his best modulated announcer's voice said "Grandslamma, this is Little Dan Ra^therhood come to visit and scoop up your juicy tidbits. May I come in?"

The Wicked Blogger spoke into a little microphone that made his voice all squeaky and fuzzy and said "Only after you give the password."

"Hah!" thought Little Dan Ra^therhood, "with security measures like this, I can call this source 'unimpeachable'!" Quick as a wink, Little Dan Ra^therhood replied "Fahrenheit 9/11!"

"Come in" said the Wicked Blogger in disguise, "but don't turn on the lights because I have a cold and I want to remain anonymous."

Little Dan Ra^therhood stepped inside and sat down across from the Wicked Blogger. "My, what bland fonts you have, Grandslamma" said Little Dan Ratherhood.

"All the better to type juicy tidbits with" said the Wicked Blogger with a crooked smile.

Little Dan Ra^therhood leaned a little closer and said "My, what inconsistently applied superscripts you have, Grandslamma."

"All the better to put in the juicy tidbits" said the Wicked Blogger with stale nacho breath.

Little Dan Ra^therhood leaned even closer and said "My, what bad carpal tunnel syndrome you have, Grandslamma."

"All from typing up your juicy tidbits" said the Wicked Blogger with a crazed look in his eye. Just then, the Wicked Blogger threw off the cap, robe and slippers to reveal his pajamas and cried "And my NEXT juicy tidbits are gonna ruin YOU, Little Dan Ra^therhood!" as he started a blog entry.

Suddenly, a sportsman crashed through the door wearing expensive Italian shoes, carrying a football inside a red woolen hood. The sportsman ran over to the Wicked Blogger and slashed him to pieces with a large, razor-sharp commemorative knife before he could click the "post" button.

The sportsman turned to the terrified Little Dan Ra^therhood and said "I know how you feel Little Dan Ra^therhood, I've been searching day and night for years to find the person that did all the bad stuff that got me in so much trouble."

"OH, THANK YOU O.J.!" cried Little Dan Ra^therhood and they opened the closet to release Grandslamma. Then they all hurried back to the studio to make deadline and lived hillary ever after.

- 30 -

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Comments

[rockynoggin]

Hmmm, no fairies in this fairy tail?

[schmed]

Well, it's a fanciful tale, so I suppose there could be some Fancies flitting about, but they'd just distract from the core message.

[CC]

What, no Joe Lockheart? No, Terry McAwful? We all know that this tale should take place at the Houston Cattle Auction/Kerry Headquarters and should end with the evile blogger winning. I'm feeling a little gyped, like I've been used. One might even say I feel like a patsy.

[schmed]

Geez, what is it with you people not understanding what goes on in a FANCIFUL tale? This is what Liberals are telling their librettas and librettos at bedtime (while they stand, fully clothed, near the opened door) so they can have happy dreams - not that there's anything wrong with angstfull, guilt-ridden dreams.

[sarah W.]

If we use the logic of holding Dan Rather accountable for a professional mistake of not extensively fact-checking his source by asking him to resign, then we must be consistent and hold the same professional accountability to our president. Since Bush did not thoroughly fact-check:
the evidence for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq;
or the way to end a war with a country with deep-seeded distrust of US foreign policy;
or the international resentment that was bound to ensue from a unilateral, offensive war in an oil-rich country;
or the way to pay for the war while providing the rich with record tax cuts, which has resulted in a national debt in the trillions;
or the fact-checking necessary to justify killing thousands of U.S. troops, US allies and Iraqi and Afghani people
- it therefore seems like we must put equal effort into demanding a resignation from the president and his administration for their professional failings.
Also, I think this ‘spontaneous’ movement that is so concerned with Rather's unverified source needs to seriously consider the source of their own movement as well as the source of this ‘leak.’ I think the strong motive and political gain achieved by the Bush administration and allies – makes them a strong candidate for potentially having fabricated the documents. Think about it…

[schmed]

Crapalama! She's stumbled into the Perimeter of Wisdom! Call Karl Rove!

[David]

Rather made no mistake, he was a part of conspiracy to alter an election. If a real attorney General like Janet Reno were in charge she would jail Rather and let Bush go for lack of "Credible Evidence." Why is the rathergait being investigated by insiders with a dog in the hunt. Is it because Texas would be a two loss team were not for a referee in the Kansas game? Is is because all BCS elements have a dogs in the huntnot for number one and two, but for money and elitism?

Did you hear the news, your tax dollars for the left PBS are going to be less painful to pay now that their head anchor of left spin: Bill Moyers is resigning because he feels unfulfilled after the last failed attempt to alter an election. His last contribution in Journalism was Joseph Campbell's ideas. Flash the election was lost not due to the right wing, but due to good ole American freedom of speech and how it almost only worked one way. Freedom of speech only if it is left. Where's the Berkely diversity of party ideas? Name one republican professor at Berkely? You guys are hopless socialists with a quasi football team, maybe a top ten team

Athiest Republican.

David