Jeanukerry Surprises

schmEditorial Note: Not to be outdone by the Sun King's fictitious fear mongering pronouncements about the Secret Plans© of the Bush Administration, BNN has consulted with reknowned psychic Schwami Schmedulov for the latest reading on Kerry's Dembotic™ January Agenda®.

At the risk of permanent brain damage, Schwami Schmedulov has forced his mental waves to the low frequencies of Jean Effing Kerry, Ted "Jabba-the-Pub" Kennedy, James Snarlville and the rest of the Dembotic™ campaign weavils in order to divine the following plans they have for the first 100 days of a Kerry Adventuration:

Reinstate the Military Draft for all citizens not on public assistance.

Distribute secondary medical remedies for the Bush-induced influenza epidemic: spoonfuls of castor oil or kerrysene. For a modest campaign contribution, John Edwards will lay hands on the sick.

Raise the income tax on those earning $25,000 to $200,000 per year to 44% (He actually decided against raising taxes before he decided to do it, and set the percentage to match his Presidential Number.)

Create tax credits for donations to Liberal Causes by remarried individuals administering multi-billion dollar estate trusts.

Establish Diplomatic Relations with al Qaeda to negotiate a peace settlement and the obligatory reparations.

Address the United Nations to apologize for delays in withdrawing from Iraq and announce a moratorium on any further investigation into the Oil for Palaces scandal Food program.

Go to Paris to repair the damaged relationship with France by waiting in Jacques ChIraq's outer office for several hours, only to be told the French President has no time this week after all, and that his people will call Kerry - "varry soon."

Convert to Islam to make a hadj to Mecca to improve relations with Arab Nations in the Middle East with Cat Stevens.

Sign an Executive Order renaming the Green Bay Packer's stadium "Lambert Field."

And now, having endured substantial mental and spiritual stress, the Schwami must rest.

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Comments

[GrumpyBunny]

It is a frightening proposition if he wins. Actually I am beginning to think that either way is going to be a little scary. The Dembots are already encouraging their faction to contest their voter registrations if the election goes to Bush. Criminey.

I miss regularly annoying commercials.