BNN

A Convention Movie Must: I, Dembot™

Fleming Fajot, Entertainment Buzzer
Wednesday July 19, 2004

HolyWank, CA (BNN) - Before the applause began to fade away from the opening weekend of Will Smith's I, Rboot I, Robot, the maker of the most recent, critically acclaimed, virulently anti-American smashit “Foreignhype 911 – The Temperature at Which the American Flag Burns,” dreckumentarist Michael Moore flagrantly rips it off with another clotbuster: I, Dembot™.

CONTAINS SPOILERS

The movie portrays the ideal political world sought by modern, neo-populist Democrats in 2004 where three primary laws govern their actions:

1. A Dembot™ may not defund an Entitlement Program, or, through inaction allow a Government Bureaucracy to be reduced.
2. A Dembot™ must create regulations to be obeyed by human beings, except where such regulations would be sensible or conflict with the First Law.
3. A Dembot™ must protect its own existence through liberal use of the First and Second Laws, and fair taxation.

Trouble ensues when some in the citizenry go berserk and rebel against the benevolent Dembots™. During their struggle, the Non-Compliers discover the internecine division in the Dembot™ leadership. Algore stars as an Alpha Dembot™ who insists the Non-Compliers must be demonized while Glenn Close portrays a rising junior Dembot™ Senator whose grand vision has Government caring for the wants and needs of every village. The legendary two-headed acting Llama, Pushmepullyou, comes out of retirement to play the small but necessary part of the Kerreddy Dembotic™ Presidential Ticket.

Ted Nugent and Tom Selleck are outstanding as leaders of allied Non-Complier factions who outwit and outmaneuver the Dembot™ minions at the crucial juncture.

Look for strong performances by Steve Buscemi as Dembotic™ Senate Plurality Leader Tom Dasshole, Mike Farrell as Patprick Layhme, Dembot™-Vt., and Danny Glover as Queasy Inflamay, a private sector Dembot™ operative. In deference to the sensitivities of the People who Eat Tiny Animals, the part of Dembotic™ political advisor James Carville will be played by an animatronic diamondback rattlesnake.

Sean Penn will contend for an Oxcar® in his climactic role as the revisionistic über-Dembot™, Slick-Willie. The filmmaker himself cameos as Ted "Sotbot" Kennedy, a founding member of the Alpha Dembots™ and Executive Grand Schemer of the Dembotic™ Central Society, while Mary Jo Kopechne stars as herself.

John Coward-Mellencamp provides the opening theme in a duet featuring the singing talents of Whoopsie Goldbush.

This film was unfairly rated “R” (wRetched) for incomprehensible logic, rash assumptions and the use of crude language beyond the fringes of audience comprehension.

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"The Bogæity Newsance Network" and "BNN" ©2001-2004 and are the intellectual property of Schmedulov Jostikovitch. Unarthurized use is not arthurized unless specifically arthurized in writing by schmed, or certain Arthurs designated in writing by said schmed.

Clinton, Moore to Partner on "Me"

Fleming Fajot, Entertainment Buzzer
Wednesday May 12, 2004

Hollywonk, CA (BNN) - If I was a tree, I would know I was in Mortal Peril because William J. "Motorfist" Clinton's titanic tome Me, Myself and I - The Greatest President EVER!, at 900 pages, is currently consuming treeflesh at a rapid pace in order to give the New York Times a new bestseller to tout.

If I was a blank recordable DVD, I'd have something to dread besides being used as a repository for the last episode of American Idol.

The buzz is that Acclaimed Imaginary Documentarista Michael Moore was Clinton's first choice for the movie rights because he's the only producer/director capable of funneling spin like Bill's onto film. Bill will be playing himself in the title role and further, he insisted on doing all his own Oval Office stunts.

Other casting moves have Rebecca De Mornay playing the former First Lady, Britney Spears as Chelsea, Jennifer Coolidge (American Pie's Mrs. Stifler) as Tipper and a potted red oak as Algore. Negotiations are underway to have the role of Donna Shalala filled by Rosie O'Donnel and Janet Reno will be played by Sylvester Stallone since Arnold Schwarzenegger is unavailable. The highly coveted role of Monica Lewinsky, sure to by a favorite for Best Supporting Actress, is being pursued by both Dixie-Chunk Natalie Maines and Madonna. The soundtrack will be provided by Barbra Streisand and Madonna.

Moore's own work has been deferred while he generates free publicity for his most recent objective patriotic ouvre Fahrenheit 911 - The Temperature at Which American Flags Burn.

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"The Bogæity Newsance Network" and "BNN" ©2001-2004 and are the intellectual property of Schmedulov Jostikovitch. Unarthurized use is not arthurized unless specifically arthurized in writing by schmed, or certain Arthurs designated in writing by said schmed.