The concept of a Panty Raid is taking on a whole new meaning at LSU.
Real life is stranger than fiction. With so much of New Orleans moved north to Baton Rouge, now those sneaky little snits Marmalard and Neidermeyer, and even Dean Wormer, had better watch themselves on campus now - Phi Beta Iota has moved onto LSU's campus.
That's right, you heard right, the Special Agents for tonight are displaced from the N'Arlins Office of the FBI and they're living in the house formerly occupied by Sigma Nu on the Frat end of Sorority Row.
Phi Beta Iota holds their rush and initiation activities off campus, so there's little or no oversight by either the Dean of Students or the Panhellenic Council. Not everyone who pledges becomes an Active. Not everyone who fails to become a pledge is accepted into the Witness Protection Program.
Their homecoming float will have antennae hidden and 360° high-resolution digital video cameras studying competing Frats and scrutinizing passersby. No word on the outcome of the election of their sweatheart - the race between Janet Reno and a J. Edgar Hoover impersonator is going down to the wiretap. Housemother? Well, let's just say she makes Nurse Ratched look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
Can't find a parking place because all those black Suburbans got there first - right behind a Justice Department Retrieval and Impoundment Vehicle? Before you knock on their door to complain, remember that you have the right to remain silent.
So Brother Deltas, that dude doing a kegstand in the front yard of the house blaring a classic Johnny Rivers tune - the guy with the mirrored sunglasses and the earwire running down his neck into his black "You're Busted" t-shirt that you just called a string of unrepeatable names - is a G-man.
Behave. Your permanent record may depend on it.