Dumbidity

Did You Ever? - I

Those of my many thousands of readers not from Louisiana won't understand the significance of this observation, and it may have escaped the notice of those who will.

Did you EVER - in a million years - think you'd hear the President of the United States speak specifically about and mention by name, The Ninth Ward of New Orleans?

"We also got briefed on the levees in New Orleans. There is flooding, obviously, in the 9th Ward." - George W. Bush, President of the United States, speaking publicly to FEMA staff on Saturday, September 25, 2005 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana (emphasis mine).

The only way it could have been more astounding would have been if he'd said it as "the Lower Nint' Wohrd" as it is said down in The Parish, hawt.

Double Secret-Agent Probation!

The concept of a Panty Raid is taking on a whole new meaning at LSU.

Real life is stranger than fiction. With so much of New Orleans moved north to Baton Rouge, now those sneaky little snits Marmalard and Neidermeyer, and even Dean Wormer, had better watch themselves on campus now - Phi Beta Iota has moved onto LSU's campus.

That's right, you heard right, the Special Agents for tonight are displaced from the N'Arlins Office of the FBI and they're living in the house formerly occupied by Sigma Nu on the Frat end of Sorority Row.

Phi Beta Iota holds their rush and initiation activities off campus, so there's little or no oversight by either the Dean of Students or the Panhellenic Council. Not everyone who pledges becomes an Active. Not everyone who fails to become a pledge is accepted into the Witness Protection Program.

Their homecoming float will have antennae hidden and 360° high-resolution digital video cameras studying competing Frats and scrutinizing passersby. No word on the outcome of the election of their sweatheart - the race between Janet Reno and a J. Edgar Hoover impersonator is going down to the wiretap. Housemother? Well, let's just say she makes Nurse Ratched look like Mrs. Doubtfire.

Can't find a parking place because all those black Suburbans got there first - right behind a Justice Department Retrieval and Impoundment Vehicle? Before you knock on their door to complain, remember that you have the right to remain silent.

So Brother Deltas, that dude doing a kegstand in the front yard of the house blaring a classic Johnny Rivers tune - the guy with the mirrored sunglasses and the earwire running down his neck into his black "You're Busted" t-shirt that you just called a string of unrepeatable names -  is a G-man.

Behave. Your permanent record may depend on it.

BNN: AmBushing America - Fox on Rita

Just when we thought the web was safe, BNN stirs from its lengthy lethargy with a laconic litany of the Mexican President's brilliant plan to save Mexico from natural disasters.

It must be pointed out that Governess Blancstare had tried a version of it, but the overwhelming majority of the state's underpaid teachers clung to the false hopes of the long-promised pay raise and wouldn't leave the state.

[OK, that last part is a fairly obtuse reference and it may be difficult to make the connection, but at 6 in the morning it's the best you're gonna get.]

The New Normal

It was a new day yesterday,
But it's an old day now.
- Jethro Tull - Stand Up

With H-K now over two weeks behind us, I keep hearing people say variations of the same thing: "I can't wait for things to get back to normal."

As I've told the schmedlets a number of times, "chids, we've got us a new normal now."

Traffic around Baton Rouge has gotten a little better, more so in the mornings than the afternoons. Gasoline appears to be plentiful enough, and seems to be price-stable at about $2.50 a gallon. Cellular phone service is much more reliable, regardless of area code. Stores are still having trouble getting shipments of some items - bread, ice cream, sugar, underwear, toiletries to name a few - because so many wholesalers operate out of the New Orleans area. My Dear Sweet Wife called me from the grocery on Monday observing that she had to buy generic rice. I didn't mean to laugh, but fellow Louisianians will understand what I told her - "go look, and I bet you won't find any red beans* either" - (she had, and not a package remained!).

The local office of Saltmines Я Us is what you might call a beehive, with so many of us "home-office" bees gumming up the works, it's a wonder folks are still smiling. Some of us - excluding yours truly of course - are simply getting in the way. Our N'arlins customers have been generally appreciative of our recovery efforts, salt being an essential element of commerce and all.

But all that pales in comparison to what the evacuees and transplants have as their new normal. Still staying with family or friends if they're lucky, several thousand awaiting the readiness of the "FEMA Farms" - trailer homes set up in instant parks. An asnide - if those gummint trailer parks are so effective at dealing with the homeless, why aren't they set up in or near all major metro areas with significant homeless populations? Hmmmmm? (I'm just askin'.)

Some have realistic hopes of getting back home, but, as Frodo and Samwise discovered, victory is rare that leaves no scars on the homeland. Many N'arlinian Hobbits will find their respective Bag Ends dramatically different, even if their own homes are relatively unscathed.

N'arlins businesses that survived the storm may be slowly strangled to death by the United States Postal Service who, in their profound ignorance, have held up everybodys' mail as "undeliverable" despite changes of address and/or forwarding orders. Money those businesses have earned, whose customers have paid, are sitting in the Post Office equivalent of that gummint warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark while the businesses are cashless at a most vulnerable point in their recovery efforts. Even the massive Saltmines Я Us is feeling the effects, though our extensive reserves of salt will easily carry us through until Geraldo gets on the story and exposes the postal mess.

There's part of the new normal that I like - I'm down from a 150 mile round-trip a day to approximately 25 (that's about 20 litres of petrol a day down to 4). And while I'm used to sitting in the schmedmobile for upwards of 3 hours a day, most of the time it's been at 70 mph or so. Still, I'm getting home a bit earlier than normal and can hang around the Giant Mug a bit later in the AM. And since the powers that be at work know better than to re-enable Internet access at all levels, that means all my devoted readers get this tasty post today.

Enjoy, y'all.

* Red beans and rice is stereotypically standard fare for N'arlinians and others in south Louisiana on Mondays. There's a reason for it that goes back generations, but I disrecall it just now.

Some Post H-K Ideas

I jotted these down recently in the aftermath of H-Katrina, in no particular order...

• To all the cellphone company executives: Declare cellphone minute overage amnesty through at least 9/30. If you need me to explain why, go hit your thumb as hard as you can with a hammer first.
• Conserve gasoline nationwide as though you lived down here. Supplies are tight and logistics are compromised. We've lost production of approximately 15% of our national capacity by some estimates because of the shuttered refineries that can't be brought on line until their operating staff have a place to stay. We're bound to have at least 15% "fat" in our gasoline usage for people who joyride or run errands inefficiently.
• Plan Mardi Gras parades in your town. Declare Tuesday, February 28, 2006 a holiday in your town. It might sound a little silly, but nothing would show solidarity to the suffering New Orleanians more than focusing on something the other side of H-K that means a lot to them. M-G 2006 will roll in New Orleans, somehow, but it probably can't be the tourism event it's supposed to be. Maybe some Krewes will roll in other cities, maybe some Krewes will "franchise" based on relocated membership.
• On a related note - tell the folks who run the Thankgiving and New Years' parades to throw beads. You're not supposed to understand it, but everyone from the Emeril City™ will notice and appreciated it.
• Tell partisan politicians an activists to sit down and shut up. The last thing we need is fingerpointing and race-baiting. When was the last time Jesse Jackson rolled up his sleeves and helped anyone without a camera rolling? He's done NOTHING to help and a lot to hurt by fomenting divisiveness to suit his own agenda. He shoulda stayed in Venuzuela.
• Keep praying - Go to church. The lack of any statistical releases on fatalities in the NO area tells me that the numbers may be too staggering to lay out now with tensions as high as they are. I won't repeat the bodybag rumours. So many may never be found. Pray for the departed. Pray harder for their survivors.

Pass it on if the Spirit moves you.

Thanks.