This Can Be Fisked Fixed

Latest crisis alert from the Asinine Press...

Many Young Americans Unable to Find Louisiana on Map

• One-third of respondents couldn't pinpoint Louisiana on a map and 48 percent were unable to locate Mississippi.

Simply rename the state "Mardi Gras." Problem solved. And who really needs to know where Mississississississippi is?

• Fewer than three in 10 think it important to know the locations of countries in the news and just 14 percent believe speaking another language is a necessary skill.

Racist, xenophobic pollsters should include illegal aliens in their sample.

• Two-thirds didn't know that the earthquake that killed 70,000 people in October 2005 occurred in Pakistan.

I'd say that reflects more poorly on news agencies than American yutes.

• Six in 10 could not find Iraq on a map of the Middle East.

Renew the Draft and I bet they could pinpoint Tikrit blindfolded.

• While the outsourcing of jobs to India has been a major U.S. business story, 47 percent could not find the Indian subcontinent on a map of Asia.

Big deal. Just call 1-800 WHERYAT and whoever answers can tell ya.

• While Israeli-Palestinian strife has been in the news for the entire lives of the respondents, 75 percent were unable to locate Israel on a map of the Middle East.

About 99% of Arab respondents can't/won't find it either. Quit using maps from Arab cartographers.

• Nearly three-quarters incorrectly named English as the most widely spoken native language. ...even in America. 

OK, you got me on that one.

• Six in 10 did not know the border between North and South Korea is the most heavily fortified in the world. Thirty percent thought the most heavily fortified border was between the United States and Mexico.

If they want to fulfill their (renewed) Selective Service Obligation, young mens and wimmens could spend their tours of duty in the extreme Southwest U.S. learning the construction trade - trenching, forming, pouring and finishing concrete, bricklaying, razor-wire running - since it would be sorta rude to underpay Mexican laborers to do it.