Dumbidity

Some Post H-K Ideas

I jotted these down recently in the aftermath of H-Katrina, in no particular order...

• To all the cellphone company executives: Declare cellphone minute overage amnesty through at least 9/30. If you need me to explain why, go hit your thumb as hard as you can with a hammer first.
• Conserve gasoline nationwide as though you lived down here. Supplies are tight and logistics are compromised. We've lost production of approximately 15% of our national capacity by some estimates because of the shuttered refineries that can't be brought on line until their operating staff have a place to stay. We're bound to have at least 15% "fat" in our gasoline usage for people who joyride or run errands inefficiently.
• Plan Mardi Gras parades in your town. Declare Tuesday, February 28, 2006 a holiday in your town. It might sound a little silly, but nothing would show solidarity to the suffering New Orleanians more than focusing on something the other side of H-K that means a lot to them. M-G 2006 will roll in New Orleans, somehow, but it probably can't be the tourism event it's supposed to be. Maybe some Krewes will roll in other cities, maybe some Krewes will "franchise" based on relocated membership.
• On a related note - tell the folks who run the Thankgiving and New Years' parades to throw beads. You're not supposed to understand it, but everyone from the Emeril City™ will notice and appreciated it.
• Tell partisan politicians an activists to sit down and shut up. The last thing we need is fingerpointing and race-baiting. When was the last time Jesse Jackson rolled up his sleeves and helped anyone without a camera rolling? He's done NOTHING to help and a lot to hurt by fomenting divisiveness to suit his own agenda. He shoulda stayed in Venuzuela.
• Keep praying - Go to church. The lack of any statistical releases on fatalities in the NO area tells me that the numbers may be too staggering to lay out now with tensions as high as they are. I won't repeat the bodybag rumours. So many may never be found. Pray for the departed. Pray harder for their survivors.

Pass it on if the Spirit moves you.

Thanks.

You're in Control Until European

Baton Rouge is blessed to have a water supply derived from deep-filtered underground aquifers. It's very soft water and as good or better than most of that bottled swill for which American Consumers pay five times the price of gasoline. Last night I filled up my hump with copious iced quantities of it.

Just before the crap of dawn this morning, I brewed a nice pot of Community Coffee with it and drank a big mug full. Then I bathed in it (the tapwater, yidiots) before donning the flight suit and taking off on the 75 mile trek to Saltmines Я Us with yet another steaming mug full of coffee for the road.

It was a little dreary this morning, and the dreary evolved into drizzle and intermittent rainfall. Undoubtedly the damp conditions contributed to the mechanical adventures of some of my fellow travelers, as they joined their vehicles in an unplanned, improperly choreographed internal-combustion ballet. Subsequently, vehicular throughput on the thoroughfare was quite compromised.

Sitting in the traffic, I was made aware that my renal glands were becoming vigorously engaged in kidney calisthenics. Considering the traffic delay, I began to anticipate trouble.

Sometimes I really hate it when I'm right.

It was bad enough that the lifesaving seatbelt with shoulder harness had become unbearably tight, but the constant drip of rainwater everywhere - dripping drip-drop-dripping - was unmercifully evident at every turn. Great flumes of water gushed from under the wheels of the westbound cars. Water sluiced relentlessly from the catchbasins in the overpasses as my lane crept ever more slowly. Even a radio commercial included the sounds of a shower.

My ears began to ring with the William Tell Overture, a version which included these painfully clear lyrics...

Gottapee gottapee gottapee right now
Gottapee gottapee gottapee real bad
Gottapee gottapee gottapee right now
Got to PEE!
I gotta pee right now!

Gottapee so bad I just might pop
When I get to go I'll never stop.
Gottapee real bad, gotta go right now,
Gotta find a pot, gotta go and HOW!

Gottapee gottapee gottapee right now
Gottapee gottapee gottapee real bad
Gottapee gottapee gottapee right now
Got to PEE!
I gotta pee right now!

There was a 20 ounce plastic Coke™ bottle on the floorboard and I briefly considered its limited potential for in-flight relief against the substantial potential for disaster.

It had become painful to breathe and I had adopted an awkwardly rigid posture as traffic finally loosened for the final leg through the Central Bidniz Districk of N'Arlins, which tragically does not offer convenient "pit-stopping".

FINALLY parked the schmedmobile, and discovered the profound difficulty of getting my twisted form out of the seat. Fumbling in the back for my traps, I pondered the relative merits of the wino-john (stairwell) versus the certain shame of being discovered. I cannot walk fully upright.

Oh, CURSE the slow elevator!

Oh, hobble across the street - CURSE the curb! CURSE the steps!

The William Tell Overflow pounds in my ears.

I stumble into the janitorial water closet not even bothering to secure the door, and, hunched over the receptacle, finally give my valiantly straining strictures permission to release...

Even then, blessed relief is agonizingly slow since the bladder will bear no additional pressure. The evacuation takes minutes uncounted.

And finally, all is again right with the world, isn't it Kimo Sabe?

I'd Be Bringing My Stapler Home

Kevin's boss got a big promotion - so says Kevin.

Kevin is hopeful that more fruit will fall from the promotion tree. He hopes some will land on him. I hope some lands on him too, because bosses usually get promoted as a result of the hard word of his loyal knaves and knavesses.

Let's all hope some lands on him.

Let's all further hope it hasn't passed through the GI tract of the Bluebird of Happiness first.  >:-p

Hey Oprah: There Ain't No Free Lunch

I can just see how it must've gone down in the Dream Room of Oprah's show. A senior producer comes in with the news that General Motors has bought in on the 276 car giveaway gimmick and all the TV People are simply glowing.

Except one.

And rather than instead of speaking out and saying "The Oprah-er has no clothes!", he/she keeps his/her mouth shut.

Well, what didn't the lone, hypothetical schmedulista say?

"Uh, that sound really charitable and generous, and I don't mean to piss on your picnic, but, uh, how are all these pre-screened, needs-analyzed, means-tested future car recipients gonna cover their resulting state and federal tax nuts?"

Their first peek at the poo-poo was the sales tax and licensing fees, for which they got gratis coverage. But even that counts as income, so assuming a market value of $28,000, typical sales tax of say 8%, and a few hunnert bucks in license and registrationals - that's unanticipated taxabibble income in 2004 of about $33,000 - more than some of the "fortunate" ones gross in a given year.

And as the WSJ points out, some of them will see more than the potential 15% hickey that pushes $5,000 at the federal level and lord knows what in their state and city income taxes. (I don't know if it would affect their FICA/Medicarpe tax liability, but that would add another 14% on that $33k freebie.) Some will lose federal tax credits and/or eligibility in means-tested federal income redistribution programs.

And thanks to the IRS requirement that at least 90% of an individdle's tax liability be remitted as incurred, the taxes are technically payable now. If they sell the car, they still owe tax for receiving it (and they have no car, ostensibly the "problem" in the first place). Even if Oprah shells out cash for what they'll owe, taxes'll compound on that too, and so on and on.

THIS JUST IN: CBS's Dan wRa^ther reports that Jean Effing Kerry blasted Bush for taxing free cars for deserving women: "This president is ‘w’rong for ‘w’omen ‘w’ho ‘w’eren't a’w’are of ‘w’ere’w’olf tax collectors ‘w’aiting in the ‘w’ings to ‘w’rest a’w’ay most of their ‘w’onderful ‘w’indfall."

Confusin' the Dell outa Me

Eight days ago (that's a week in Beatle Years), I placed my order with the virtual Dell Dude for the screaming, mega-bitten, gigafroggin', wallethurtzin' replacement to the Kerosene Powered Computer currently belching smoke in the Giant Mug.

They projected a ship date of 9/8, and with an estimated 3-5 days on the Brown timeline, unboxing day would be next Monday. This morning I got an email that said "Dude, you're not gettin' a Dell very soon."

Well, it really said (in part) "We have reviewed your order. Although we had anticipated being able to ship your order sooner, we are experiencing an unexpected delay with your order and will not be able to ship this order and any associated orders until on or before 09-30-2004."

Using the handy link in yesterday's shipping confirmation email, Brown tells me it's en route and tennatively slated for delivery on the tenth (which would be *checks calendar* twomorrow!).

merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf!
*merfs*

This new computer is already confuzzling me and I don't even have it yet.

Fisk This Computer Order

I can't decide if I want a blindfold and a cigarette or a cigarette and earplugs or what. I've gotta boil down the criterials into a meaningful expenditure and the Dell site has me making hair out in my head. So muchny for about thinking for decidink...

The basic criteria is to continue my DSL Internet bruising, do lots of analog-to-mp3 digital music conversions, add MS Office w/Powderpint, have an excuse to add a digital camera to the toy chest (Gracie just got one) and be able to reformat the HD periodically as the schmedlets have an amazing propensity to open the door to virii, spybots and spamware. I've narrowfied it to the 4600 series versus the 8400 in a no-hold-barred tag-team cage match.

Additional fisking by knowledgeable PC wizards not only welcome, but solicited...

Feature/Decision	Dimension 4600	Dimension 8400
Base Processor	They recommend: P4 with HT (2.80 GHz, 800 FSB. 1MB What’s the value of upgrading to 3.00 for $50 or 3.40 GHz for $540?	They start with a 3.00 Add $100 for 3.20 or $270 for 3.40?
Windows XP Pro or No?	They recommend it for students, but what do you get for the $79?	Same question.
Operating System Enhancements	This looks like a $20-$30 grab-bag of gimmicky stuff of dubious usability.	Same snide comment.
Free Dell Printer	Go totally NOOPE with the 720 or upgrade to A920 for $25? Does the 720 drink ink like water?	Same wild guess.
USB cable	Are Dell’s black 10’ USB cables worth $25?	Same snide comment.
Ink bundles	Do they not come with ink? Is this stuff available at O-Depot?	Same.
Warranty Service and Supports	Is the 2+2 sufficient? Should I expect to use the $188 “Premium” package with unlimited Night and Weekend minutes? (wtf?)	Same.
Accidental Damage	It’s a desktop in a fairly sedate home environment – 59 bucks or roll the dice?	Same.
Dell Training/Cert	Should I ignore it, piecemeal it afterwards or just go nuts? (Already feeling ignorant.)	Same.
Memory	My gut tells me to blow the $50 and go 512 dual channel DDR SDRAM @400MHz. Does it come with straight-pipes if I blow $150 for the 1 Gig?	Starts with the 512 DC SDRAM @400MHz. The 1Gig adds $110. To 1 Gig it at 533WalletHurtz is $130.
Hod Rive	I think I got this one – I’m going with 160GB for $50, Alex.	Still like the 160GB, but it’s only $40 extry.
Floppy and other Devices	I don’t think I have to have a flopper because I can dump to CD or gmail. A 128 MB memory key is like a CD and a half, right? Or is this what you buy on sale at Bets Bye to beat their $49?	Same.
External HD	Nah…	Nope
CD/DVD	This is a mission-critical element and I wanna haul ass w/ Dual Drives. 16x DVD ROM plus… 48x CD-RW is “free” How critical is “double layer write” capability?	The Topo Deline upgrade only adds $50 including that mysterious double-layer cake baking.
Enhanced CD/DVD softies	Critical? $60 critical?	Same.
Media	Have CD-R & RW already	I’ll get my DVD RWs at the Circle K.
Productivity Softies	I hate Wordprefuct. Gracie is a student – should I get her to buy MS Office/Business separately?	Same.
Personal Finance softies	MS Monet should be just fine.	Same.
Security	Dave raves about some anti-viral prescription but never said which one. McAfee or Norton (I always hear Ralph Cramden saying “Norton.”)	Same.
Monitor	I can handle the 17” CRT to save $200.	Same.
Video Card	Any material benefits to upgrade?	Same.
Sound	I’ve been given a nice external sound card with the phono inputs I need for my analog lumberjacking, so I’ll stick with the standard issue.	Same.
Keyboard	Vanilla is OK	Same.
Moose	I’m sold on the optical USB moose.	Same.
Speakers	I’m thinking the A425 w/subroofer – no point in chintzing everywhere.	Same.
Dell Media Experience	Looks like more grab-baggage for $20…	Same.
Digital Music	Dell Jukebox plus for $20	Same.
Digital Photography	This looks like a candidate for post-purchase addition.	Same.
Video Editing	Same here…	Same.
High Speed Internet	Have DSL already, but not with Earthling™. How do I ensure DSL capability on the date of delivery?	Same.
Network card	No choice – Intel PRO 10/100 Ethernet. Will I use it?	No choice – Integrated Gigabit Ethernet
Modem	56k datafax or add $20 for Telephony Modem (wtf?).	Same.
Internet for FREE	You can keep your dam AOL dialup thankyouverymuch.	Same.
Wireless Networking	Gracie has a Dell laptop, I have a Compaq from the jobsite. Neither have NW cards. Doesn’t this necessitate additional firewallage?	Same.
Installation	I know how to work a skewdiver…	Same.
Optional Support	This reeks of extortion.	Same.
Software and Non Dell gizmos	Life better not be so complicated as to require this.	Same.
Price with options indicated and “best guess” or “none” on most others	$1583 (CHEAP!)	$1753 - If the final price difference is this small, getting the 8400 is a no-brainer.

I wouldn't be this overwhelmed if I wasn't such a cheapskate because then I'd end up dropping four grand or so on the XPS. Feel free to berate me.

(Lengthy or really excoriating advice may be sent to schmed@gmail.com.)