schmEditor's Note: Today The Bogæity Newsance Network© departs from its normally staid reporting strictures to portray the sobering events of recent days in a way most American Victims of the Mainstream Media can understand. With that, BNN is proud to present the story of...
Little Dan Ratherhood
Once upon a time in a huge industrialized land there lived an innocent, unbiased network anchor called Little Dan Ratherhood because of the little woolen hood he liked to pull over the eyes of others.
One day Little Dan Ratherhood decided to go through the wild political jungle to visit one of his many anonymous friends whom he called "Grandslamma." He took a little basket and packed a tape recorder, a video camera and a feminist producer to blame if things went awry and traipsed off through the jungle to Grandslamma's house.
Little Dan Ratherhood was very excited because he knew Grandslamma had some very juicy tidbits to share and he wanted to bring every one of them back to spread to all the people of the Global Village who looked at things through his little woolen hood.
As Little Dan Ratherhood approached the condo where Grandslamma lived, he didn't see a Wicked Blogger of the Pajamahadeen sneak into Grandslamma's condo, wrap him in his Homeland Security Duct Tape™ and trundle him into the closet. The Wicked Blogger put on Grandslamma's robe, slippers and Red Sox baseball cap and sat down between his PC and fax machine.
Little Dan Ratherhood tapped at the door, and in his best modulated announcer's voice said "Grandslamma, this is Little Dan Ratherhood come to visit and scoop up your juicy tidbits. May I come in?"
The Wicked Blogger spoke into a little microphone that made his voice all squeaky and fuzzy and said "Only after you give the password."
"Hah!" thought Little Dan Ratherhood, "with security measures like this, I can call this source 'unimpeachable'!" Quick as a wink, Little Dan Ratherhood replied "Fahrenheit 9/11!"
"Come in" said the Wicked Blogger in disguise, "but don't turn on the lights because I have a cold and I want to remain anonymous."
Little Dan Ratherhood stepped inside and sat down across from the Wicked Blogger. "My, what bland fonts you have, Grandslamma" said Little Dan Ratherhood.
"All the better to type juicy tidbits with" said the Wicked Blogger with a crooked smile.
Little Dan Ratherhood leaned a little closer and said "My, what inconsistently applied superscripts you have, Grandslamma."
"All the better to put in the juicy tidbits" said the Wicked Blogger with stale nacho breath.
Little Dan Ratherhood leaned even closer and said "My, what bad carpal tunnel syndrome you have, Grandslamma."
"All from typing up your juicy tidbits" said the Wicked Blogger with a crazed look in his eye. Just then, the Wicked Blogger threw off the cap, robe and slippers to reveal his pajamas and cried "And my NEXT juicy tidbits are gonna ruin YOU, Little Dan Ratherhood!" as he started a blog entry.
Suddenly, a sportsman crashed through the door wearing expensive Italian shoes, carrying a football inside a red woolen hood. The sportsman ran over to the Wicked Blogger and slashed him to pieces with a large, razor-sharp commemorative knife before he could click the "post" button.
The sportsman turned to the terrified Little Dan Ratherhood and said "I know how you feel Little Dan Ratherhood, I've been searching day and night for years to find the person that did all the bad stuff that got me in so much trouble."
"OH, THANK YOU O.J.!" cried Little Dan Ratherhood and they opened the closet to release Grandslamma. Then they all hurried back to the studio to make deadline and lived hillary ever after.
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