Dumbidity: Nachos Rule, Drunk Dudes Drool and Stuff

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Nachos Rule, Drunk Dudes Drool and Stuff

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- Dean Vernon Wormer

The profound dumbidity of the following incident is making me consider developing a more scientific scale to recalibrate my dumbidometer.

By now, everyone has had a chance to hear of the drunken birthday exploits of one Michael P. Monn, a Maryville, TN nacho fetishist.

So thrilled was he at reaching that classic chronological milestone of 23 Earth years, that he celebrated by (allegedly) intoxicating himself with vodka, breaking into a swimming facility's snack bar, pinching a loaf into a garbage can, busting up $40 dollars worth of corn chips and splattering a $7 mini-vat of nacho cheese all over everything, including himself.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the birthday boy was dressed for the occasion in his birthday suit.

While many sites carry variations of the abridged AP version, the most detailed version of the story I could find lives here. Then there's this fictionalized eyewitness account direct from BNN TV:

BNN Reporterista: Did you see what happened?

Eyewitness 1: Uhhhhh, yeah?

Eyewitness 2: YEAH! NACHOS RULE!

BNN: Well, what did happen?

EW1: Huhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. That dumbass doesn't know how to eat nachos.

EW2: That guy is NAKED! NAKED IN NACHOS! Henh-henh henh-henh.

EW1: He was naked and everything, and got, like, cheese all over him and stuff.

EW2: He took a dump in the garbage can...Henh-henh henh-henh.

BNN: Did he say anything?

EW1: Uhhhhhh, no?

EW2: HEY LOOK! There's nachos on his truck. (munch-munch)

EW1: Gimme some, dill-hole. (SMACK SMACK)

EW2: OW! OW!

BNN: Alright... Reporting live for BNN TV, I'm Snigbert Rantzenraves.

Thursday, July 22, 2004 at 09:21 AM in Randamonium | Permalink

Comments

I was just going to go out with friends for my 30th in a few months, but that sounds like a LOT more fun!!! (minus the defecating in the garbage, of course...)

Posted by: TigerGrrL | Thursday, July 22, 2004 at 11:27 AM