A Vengeful Plot

Not that I'm in any hurry, but when the time comes that my Dear Sweet Wife and I have grandschmedlets, we will visit them.

Oh, how we will visit them. And what shall we visit upon them?

Retribution.

After that euphoric rite known as the Greeting of the Grandchids, the first order of business will be to go into their kitchens, open the freezer and the refrigerator and leave both doors open. Then, I shall...

• lift the tops off of any pots on the stove and peer into any active ovens;
• invite the grandschmedlets outside and immediately encourage them to remove their shoes so as to cavort happily about in their socks - in the mud;
• leave the door wide open in order to better condition the air outdoors;
• turn on every light in every room;
• change the channel on their TVs (to some old movie) and slip the remote(s) in my pocket;
• reset the home page on their internet and reconfigure their desktop and screensaver;
• push their cordless and/or cell phones into the depths of their couches;
• tinker with the settings of their thermostats because I am too cold/hot.

Actually, my DSW won't let me do any of those things, mainly because while it's acceptable for teenragers (and those recently removed from teenragerhood) to do all that, it could get a middle-aged person committed.

Besides, if I do the muddy sock thing to Guido's chids, even on general principle, it'll really be punishing my Dear Sweet Daughter-In-Law (whosoever she may be), and she will clearly be doing the Lord's Work taking care of him - just as my DSW is doing with me.

Errrrrff.

Comments

[dave]

Ok, but will you sprinkle pee on their toilet seats? Use the last of their paper and not replace the empty roll? Get in their cars, tune the radio to a heavy metal station, and turn the volume all the way up so as to scare the bejeebiss out of the next person to turn the ignition?

[CC]

M4C just got back from a week at Crazy Grandma's in Alabama and has to be deprogrammed. It seems that she is under the impression that she will have everything her way, immediately, with only a minimum of politeness and a maximum of whininess required to have us bending to her evil will.

[schmed]

Dave, I think I'll skip the sprinkling ritual, but I shall most assuredly get in their cars to heavily meddle with the sound cistern, plus reposition every seat, wheel and mirror and, for the coupe de gras, siphon out several gallons of gasoline.

CC, clearly not all of the Grandest Generation are as concerned about committment issues. You think they've got any notes on their techniques they'd be willing to share? They sound terrilby effective. Heh, heh heh.

[Mary Beth]

I would stick with the sweetest revenge of all. I will reveal to you what I did with my own dear brother's children. After getting many hints for tasteful and educational gifts from him and his wife, I came up with the following plan. Gifts should:

1) Have as many pieces as possible, preferably small. Lots of pieces.**
2) Make noise. The louder the better
3) Use batteries.

Any of these three make for preferable gifts for young children. A combination of any or all three - priceless.

One Christmas I bought a big Hess firetruck for my nephew that had lots of little things that went with it. Even better - really loud assorted siren sounds. I inserted the batteries and glued the door shut before wrapping. Perfect.

There are ways. There are ways.

**Think mega boxes of legos. Many many legos.

[Kay]

And be sure that THOSE are the toys that will go to YOUR house when the grandkids come for a visit.
~~~~~~~~~evil grin.

[GrumpyBunny]

When Hubster's nieces were younger, he babysat them whilst the parents went for a weekend. Then in the airport feed them large quantities of Mtn Dew, sugared candy, chocolate; let them run on the Moving Sidewalks. Then left them with their parents.

He'd also go visit them. When he'd leave, he'd be about to close the door and apologize for not playing Ring Around the Rosey with them...

He's evil.

[Kevin Donahue]

The thermostat tinkering is a fantastic way to exact your revenge - especially the programmable kind. Or, kinder still, replace existing thermostat with a programmable. If they have one that can be adjusted over the internets, that's the gift that keeps on giving.