Ode to Hoselessness

Ode to the many fine Ladies in modern society:

One understands that hosiery,
In all its incarnations,
Incite confounded misery
And purpled incantations.

Such joy was brought to womankind
The fair day it was known
That pantyhose would ne'er more bind
For bare legs could be shown.

As one whose gaze on well-turned pegs
So naturally falls,
This author speaks of unclad legs
Opinion that appalls.

Of maidens young and lithe of limb
T'were few who sought to question
This boon of fashion's fickle whim
And ponder life's direction.

But fate and twisted irony
Can not be held at bay,
For flaws are there for all to see,
No longer hid away.

The purple bruise and razor nick
Present for their inspection,
While spider veins and ankles thick
Cannot avoid detection.

A flaky patch, some mottled skin
The scars from youthful tumble,
Are like a SHOUT, a horrid din,
Not just a muted mumble.

Asthetic'lly, it may be such
That stocking'd legs have passed.
Sarcastic'lly, one won't think much
Of what is said, this last:

One understands, if comfort rules
Then all old rules are blurry.
Why not abjure their bladed tools
And let their stems go furry?

I rather expect to be e-seiged by enraged, yet comfortable, wimmings carrying torches, pitchforques and various other implements of destruction as they storm the castle, but I don't care. That they'll all be bare-legged will be the cause for me to apathetically slip from atop the battlements into the moat without further struggle.

Comments

[Dear Sweet Wife]

The views of the writer do not reflect the feelings of the 3 adult women who reside with the author!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CC]

I've been a happier camper since the L&TMC quit wearing the awful contraptions. Of course, I'm officially broke. On the bright side, my woman gets to wear her jammies to work and she's a much pleasanter person to be around.

[Kay]

HATE HATE HATE pantyhose. However, there are some occasions which call for them. Being pregnant, is not one of those occasions.

[rockynoggin]

If you like the hose they have them at Hooters. Both kinds.

[GrumpyBunny]

Could not tell you the last time I wore hose.

Tights in the winter - warmer than hose and more comfy. Bare-legged in summer.

Tan in the can stuff is getting better and better - less stinky, less orange-y.