Dumbidity

The Quotations of Chairman Hao - VI

The Fearless Chairman Hao again ventures courageously into the hostile lair of that sinister arachnid of the airwaves, Chris Matthews' Hardball. In this episode, the wicked Matthews spins treacherous webs in his feebile efforts to trap Chairman Hao with questions about so-called "executive privilege" related to Supreme Court nominations.

MATTHEWS: Do you believe that the president can claim executive privilege?

But the Beloved Leader of the blue-book waving Dembots™ is entirely too nimble in his mental tactics.

• At times, one must baffle one's adversary with unseemly discourse.
  "Well, certainly the president can claim executive privilege.  But in the this case, I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called.

(emphasis schmed's)

Even the Sheehanite sect of the Dembotic™ party dances gleefully in front of their television sets as their Supreme Leader deploys his profound strategy, while their Republican opponents abjectly sit - no longer wondering why Dean gets away with using Burgess Meredith outtakes in political interviews on Softball.

(schmeditorial note: Reference this entry for background on the teachings of the Enlightened Hao Tse Dean, Chairman of the Peoples' Dembotic™ National Committee.)

The Third Letter of schmed to the Sabanites

Again, a Great Darkness fell upon the land and the people lamented and rent their garments Gold and Purple.

And from their despair came amnesia, and from it a miasma of invective against the Prophet Les and one of his Disciples, Bo, son of Pelin, which means one who teppers.

Does not the wise fan remember all that which Saban allowed to happen? Cast down thy tankard and shake the sleep from thy brow that thy memory be refreshed...

In the First Year of Saban: 3 B.C.S.* (8-4):

• Saban got rudely welcomed into the SEC at Auburn, 17-34.
• The very next week, Josh "Back-Foot" Booty gave lowly UAB a quick 7 point INT late in the game in a 10-13 loss.
• High off the OT win against UT, the Tigers got pasted by Spurrier's Fun-n-Done in the swamp, 9-41.
• A shaky win over MSU (45-38). Then another close one over Alabama (30-28) which was all but overshadowed by the euphoria of beating the Tide in Baton Rouge for the first time in thirty-frikkin-years (and instant replay on the zebra-botched muffed punt - before it was fashionable).
• And a pathetic showing against Arkansas 3-14.

The Second Year of Saban: 2 B.C.S. (10-3, SEC Champs)

• Back-to-back losses to UT (18-26) where the Tiger secondary made a UT wideout that nobody's heard of since get Heisman-quality props from sportswrithers, and Florida (15-44) in Death Valley.
• Lost to Eli and the Ole Missus, 24-35 - at home.

The Third Year of Saban: 1 B.C.S. (8-5, but could easily have ended 6-6)

• Mauk laid an offensive egg against V-Tech, 8-26, in Blacksburg.
• Bengal offense sputtered badly in Auburn, 7-31.
• Tigers got shut out at home on ESPN Prime Time vs Bama, ZIP - 31, ZERO!
• Let's not forget the Blowgrass Miracle where a hapless UK team let a 27-30 victory slip away.
• Eaked out a 1 pointer against The Ole Miss Elis, 14-13. The season could've ended at 6-6.
• Lost a 1 pointer (20-21) to the Arkansas team whose QB, according to St. Nick, "...couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a handful of sand until the last drive." This with the SEC West and another appearance in the Championship Game at stake.
• Saban's chronic loyalty to "best available" QBs leads to a long day on the sharp end of the Longhorns in the Cotton Bowl, 20-35.

The Year of Our Championship: (13-1, SEC Champs, BCS National Champs)

• LSU offense failed to score, 7-19 at home, vs. Florida and their freshman QB who repeatedly ripped passes to his TE and backs up the LSU middle.
• Even though the D-Line saved the 17-14 win at Oxford, Eli floated several wounded ducks (quaaaaack-wackwackwack) into the LSU secondary for long gains in the second half.
• If not for Jaleel "Did I Do That?" White's 7-point gift to Marcus Spears, how does that 14-14 BCS Championship game against OU end?

The Fifth Year of Saban: 1 A.C.S. (9-3)

• Beat Oregon State 22-21 in OT when their PK won the Bobby Bowden Missed Wide award.
• Lost to Auburn 9-10 after our PK caught missedwideosis from OSU's PK and our defense gave up a sustained TD drive late in the game.
• Got the mammy-slappin' STUFFING beaten out of us by a vengeful Georgia, 16-45, looking flatter than Kate Moss' tankini.
• Let Troy and an Eli-less Ole Miss play us tough at home, 24-20 and 27-24.
• Saban's defensive secondary gave up a long TD on the last play to blow the Capital Dumb bowl.

Any one of the preceeding losses was as bad as the losing effort of Les Miles' undergamed 1-0 Tigers versus a slightly more seasoned 2-1 UT team back on September 26th. That's 16 gut-wrenching go-home-a-loser games in 5 years and I hated every cuss-ed one of 'em every bit as much as losing to Tennessee a week ago last night.

One need not drink deeply of the six earthen water jars that Skip turned to Kool-Aid to have a little patience.

* B./A.C.S. - Before/After Championship Season