The last couple of weeks, I've seen increasing numbers of Eastern Lubber Grasshoppers along I-10 between LaPlace and Sorrento in the evenings. They herd up on the shoulder and demonstrate their arrogant intent to cross the deadly lanes filled with onrushing vehicles. I'm not really sure what they expect to attain by crossing - it's nothing but grass and litter, another pair of deadly lanes and more swampy woods on the other side - so they must be driven by some malevolent force.
They are some Ugly suckers, too.
They have a slight advantage over armardillos, opossumii and nutria (and alligators lately) in that the airwash from the carzentrux blows 'em back a few feet and rolls 'em around on the assfault - so they dust off, wogga-wogga-wogga their little buggy heads and try again. Some of them get damaged in this process, but I read they're poisonous so they don't get eaten by much other than maybe fire ants, emetic racoons or suicidal crows, and their little carcasses just sit there.
It is hard to splute them with your front tire, though I managed to gorch quite a few of the massing invaders yesterday evening. I hope I didn't anger their queen - she's the size of an Escalade and spews those buggers out her tailpipe all-day-all-night-Mary-Ann. That's probably why I didn't get pulled over for suspected DWI, sweaving back and forth between targets, because the State Troopers have been captured, and they're all trussed up in her den being tended by her millions of minions.
We'll need a scientific guy with fuzzy white hair and a drop-dead gorgeous daughter to hold a clipboard while lifting her glasses to see how handsome I am as I put her daddy's entomological brilliance into action to defeat the Lubber Queen and save The World.
Note to self - learn how to use a military flamethrower without immolating myself because they're de rigueur at some point in the Defense of Earth against oversized insect invasions.
On a similar note: Pelicans in CA are getting drunk on a certain type of algae and are crashing into cars and stuff. Algore was right, we're doomed.
Posted by: CC | Thursday, June 29, 2006 at 09:25 AM
On my way to Imperial, CA the other day I decided to take the country road over the mountains and through the low desert to get there instead of the interstate. Three birds and a squirrel later I decided that the return trip to San Diego should be on the interstate. After all, the last time I was on Interstate 8 the only thing I ran over was a six foot long rattlesnake. Well, me and the SVU, van, and 18-wheeler behind me. I didn't mind that one so much.
Posted by: Corey | Monday, July 03, 2006 at 02:36 PM
Post something or I'll urge Dave to begin calling you names.
Posted by: CC | Monday, July 10, 2006 at 08:20 AM
basic names start at a dollar. names preceded by adjectives are two, and hyphenated putdowns are three. i take paypal.
Posted by: Dave | Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 11:30 AM
They're actually kind of cute.
Posted by: Tvindy | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 02:10 PM
Speaking of crickets (or at least similar creatures)...............
CREE KATS
Posted by: Murphy | Friday, July 28, 2006 at 02:09 PM