Cheap Advice - I

This is fairly intuitive, but bears saying.

Don't feed the lactose-intolerant cat a bowl of milk and keep him in the house all day.

A Gallup Poll of feline opinion will show you having an approval rating in the 90th percentile because of the creamy comestible. This rating will prove as perishable as the bovine divine dairy dish itself. Disdain will be demonstrated, most profoundly, by the fickle beast, typically manifested in several locations throughout the house. The cat's message will be quite clear - he hates your ever-loving guts and anything remotely associated with you and your aforehated entrails.

After you've gotten home, let him out, discovered and enjoyed the fragrant fruits of his disdainment (and thrown out at least one ruined bath rug), he'll come back inside and forgive you...

...for a saucer of milk.